A few weeks ago my husband shared a blog post about his breakthrough burn. For those of you who didn’t read the last blog that he put out check it out here. He’s worked hard for 14 weeks to allow God to transform his life physically, mentally and spiritually. The day that my husband submitted his results for the contest, the Lord spoke to my heart during my devotional time and said to me “you and Dylan are going to Jamaica.”
Now there have only been a few times when the Lord has spoken to me like this. Once was when He told me I was going to be a missionary in Guatemala and well…here I am :). Another time was when a friend was hit in the head by a stray bullet and God told me she was going to make a full recovery and…she did. Every time God speaks to me like this I always get excited and fearful. Not fearful because the Lord is speaking to me but fearful because every time He shares something like this with me he doesn’t let me keep it between him and I, He makes me share it with people. To be quite honest, that scares me because my first thought always is, “what if I didn’t hear God right? What if I misunderstood? Who am I to think that God would really take the time to speak to me?” Basically what this comes down to is an issue of trust.
Trust is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. I struggle with trust because from a very early age those that I was supposed to be able to trust let me down many times. Then in my young adult life I made very poor choices in friends and romantic relationships which caused even more trust issues. But my prayer at the beginning of 2017 was that God would cleanse me from all the unhealthiness in my life and I’ve come to realize that my difficulty in trusting is a big area of unhealthiness. Yes, I struggle to trust people but more importantly I’ve struggled to trust God. I praise Him that He’s answering that prayer and He’s healing my trust issues.
As I was contemplating how much God has grown me and my trust of Him over this year my cat jumped up on my lap. Now, not to over-spiritualize a cat but my cat jumping up on my lap reminded me of how I am with God. You see, when I first got my cat he wanted nothing to do with us. He had been abandoned, abused and neglected by those who were supposed to love and care for him. It took a long time for us to break down those walls and for him to learn to trust us. But now that he does, it’s the best feeling in the world when he jumps up on my lap because I know he does it because trusts me and feels safe with me. This made me realize that this is how my Heavenly Daddy feels when I trust Him. Although it’s taking a long time for God to break down my walls, He is getting me to a place where I completely trust him and it’s beautiful.
So I’m sharing this blog post for two reasons. One because God told me to share with people that we’re going to Jamaica. I know that even though my husband did not win first place in the contest God is going to take us to Jamaica. He told me it, I trust Him and that settles it! Now we get to sit back and watch how and when God is going to do it 🙂 I’m also sharing this post because if you’re struggling with trust issues He wants you to know that regardless of what you’ve been through in life, no matter who has hurt you, abandon you, abused you or failed to care for you properly, He will never leave you. He loves you more than anything in the world and He wants to heal you and draw you into an amazing relationship with him. He wants to show you that He will never abandon you, abuse you or fail you. However, you have to be willing to take those few steps of trust, let him meet you where you are and one day you’ll be curling up in His lap with all the trust in the world.