“I personally think every missionary should come home every 5 – 10 years and study to learn something that makes them more valuable in the mission field.”  I can not tell you how many times I heard those words spoken by our missions school director.  But I can tell you that it was A LOT and that every single time I heard them I thought “yeah ok, I just finished studying and I don’t want any parts of ever going through that again.”  Let me tell you, I would have been perfectly content to just stay that way but that was before God spoke to my heart 1 year ago this month and gave me 12 words that would change my life.  Don’t give up on the dream like you have in the past!  Those are the words I felt God speak into my heart and I was so convicted by these words that I knew I would need someone to help hold me accountable.  I needed someone to hold me accountable because the truth is I wanted to give up on the dream like I had so many times in the past 10 years.  But God was putting something on my heart and it was one of those things that I knew would just make me miserable if I didn’t pursue it even if I had no idea how it would happen…you know kinda like what happened when He first put on my heart that I was going to be a missionary in Guatemala.  So I asked Dylan to hold me accountable and to not let me “give up on the dream.”  Dylan’s first question, as I’m sure is the question that all of you are asking by now, was “what is the dream?”  I took a deep breath and asked God to get the words out before I lost my nerve to say them out loud…”I need to go back to school to be a counselor” I said as fast as I could and then followed it up with a bunch unnecessary words and explanations because I was so scared of his response…not because I thought he’d respond negatively but because I KNEW he would tell me that this was something he has known for a while which would just further confirm what God was putting on my heart.  And of course, that’s exactly what Dylan said along with some other words of wisdom on things to consider and pray about.

So that day started my year long process of praying and seeking the Lord on how He would make this happen.  Because I honestly saw NO WAY that everything could ever come together for me to do this.  I mean I’d have to find a place to study online so I could do it from Guatemala, I’d have to find time in my already over packed schedule to study, and I’d have to find the money to study just to name a few obstacles I saw.  Not to mention all the other little doubts that plagued my mind like: is this really what God wants, will it truly be beneficial to my work here in Guatemala, what will people think of me going back to school, does Servants even let their missionaries go back to school, and many other thoughts that raced through my mind.

In the interest of keeping these blog posts at a reasonable length I am going to stop the story here and pick up next week with “Don’t give up on the dream…part 2.”  In the interim please pray with me about all of these things that flooded my mind and continue to flood my mind sometimes and next week I’ll share about God’s answers to those questions.

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